Terrible twos

Age known as `terrible twos' can be seen as time of growing up
By CAROL RUST
Copyright 1997 Houston Chronicle

They say "No" when they mean "Yes." They want control. They eat on the run.

All of a sudden, they are mobile creatures; 2-year-olds have the whole world to explore. And they want to do it now.

"All this time they weren't able to, but now they can walk, talk and feed themselves," says Donna Legro, a lecturer at the University of Houston. "They push the parent away because they want to do it themselves."

Frequently termed "the terrible twos," this age is punctuated by temper tantrums and aggression, and marked by repetition -- the same story every night, the same path up and down the stairs, the same food, the same thing to wear every day.

To this, you could add:
- A strong desire to break away from the tyranny of artistic constraints imposed from above. You want me to draw between the lines on this piece of paper? How boring. I want to draw on the walls and floors and tables and other children.
- A growing interest in causality. If I stand on this chair I can see. If I stand on the table, so does everyone else and I get attention from frantic teachers. If I hit the same red-haired teacher on the head with a brick/doll/bowl every five minutes, I get attention. If I tip the contents of my tea into my lunch, I make soup
- Glue is for eating.
- Thomas the Tank Engine doesn't interest me anymore.
- I went to the toilet five minutes ago? I want to go again! Look, I shat myself wilfully because I like it.

This week has been hell at work. Overnight, my kids have changed from angelic, nervous little creatures to shouting, screaming terrors, shambling little monsters with a penchant for destruction and loud noise and a total and utter reluctance to accept authority. They've discovered anarchy; they don't want to accept this system of top down control. They don't care that this colour is green and this one red; they care about wilful injury and irritation.

They are driving me completely nuts. All my old child control methods - using a voice louder than them to draw attention; promising treats; promising stories/songs/food, threats of starvation during lunchtime - have lessening influence. It's craziness. Our classroom is not kidproof; it's laid out on the assumption that these children have already had obedience instilled. I have no idea how to control them. Reason has no jurisdiction here. Emotion means everything to them - curiosity, anger, love. I feel like the much pilloried figure of the high school science teacher, whose mustache whiffles and groans as his blood pressure rises; his attempts at control or generating interest lost in the sea of hormones sitting before him. I'm a useless figure of a man; I caper around the classroom in vain attempts to interest my kiddies in something, anything curriculum related.

So. If you ever worked as a childcare worker or bouncer, please, please, please tell me what to do.