Cheerier

Well, I'm cheerier today. Thank you, kind friends for spotting a blatant call for support. I 'preciate it.

I was also Rai's Shoulder of Choice to cry on again today, which helped some too. God, I love my (borrowed) kids. I increasingly resent their mothers when they come to pick them up.

---

This is probably the best personal ad I've ever read. The man is posting it on various Craigslist sites. I don't quite understand every nuance, but I like his style while doubting its effectiveness.

Listen up, Lucy!

You can't dance with a scary 400 pound gorilla and not expect to come out it with a smashed toe or two. But it's a helluva' dance and this ape would climb the Empire State Building and swat at planes for the right girl.

Leakey is digging under the wrong tree trying to find that 'missing link' between ape and man that thrust him from his four legged pre-consciousness to his near divine two legged sapienhood. It was the four legged creature's chivalrous attempt to get Lucy's attention. He lifted himself off his fours, and handed her a honey ant. Chivalry is the driving force behind evolution. If it weren't for roses and sonnets we'd be still swimming in the primeval ooze.

If I weren't so chivalrous and refined a gentleman, this is what my personal ad would say...

Listen up ladies, you've got a snowballs chance in hell in finding your soulmate comedian through online dating. That takes divine intervention and your selfish life hasn't really been a paradigm of selfless compassion to invoke the Hand of Providence. So you're gonna' have to turn Mother Teresa and pray a lot or you're gonna' have to settle for less than that 6'2", 12" pecker, 6 pack abs, male model good looks, emotionally committed, financially stable, great sense of humor, sensitive man you've been holding out for. Forget about giving him your precious virginity -- you gave that to some loser long ago because you were horny and impatient. You have a better chance of meeting the Easter bunny than this superficial shmuck who was already bagged by his high school sweetheart and commutes from his Long Island starter home to a job he hates and comes home exhausted to a woman he's learning to hate. So settle for this -- and I will put it in the crassest terms:

5'8", a few extra pounds, easy on the eyes, wit and intelligence that can truly take on the best of them, a poetic, soulful creative soul, a tattoo or two, lots of fucking baggage (yes, there was life before you), immaturity, a sense of adventure that's taken him to near one hundred countries, family oriented, spiritual -- not just in easy words but in actual acts of benevolence and self-sacrifice, a genuine belief in God, 2 PhD's ABD (All But Dissertation -- who has fucking time to finish
these things), MA, MBMgmt, loads of awards, moments or sheer genius and absolute stupidity, strength -- physical and of character, and here's the kicker that will leave you breathless: an average income of $XXX,XXX a year. I think I finally got your attention ladies, because escort or prima donna, girl next door or dominatrix, gold-digger or heart of gold, we're all interested in security. Despite our promising careers we all want to be taken care of like daddy used to take care of us. So secure in the knowledge that I can Dolce & Gabbana your asses from here to eternity, take you anywhere in the world on a whim, stay in 5 star hotels, eat in ZAGAT's top restaurants, get you a fucking maid so you never have to clean or do laundry, get you a personal trainer to keep you looking great, and when gravity takes its toll, pay for botox, lipo, face lifts, implants, eye jobs, ectoscopic forehead lifts and whatever the fuck you need to look good forever. That fantasy shmuck of yours can't do that. Ever. And one more thing, I will worship the ground you walk on. And bring you fulfillment.

The rest is here

---

If he sounds like the man of your dreams,　why not email him:　anon-68211787@craigslist.org