Recrimination

With my sudden depression has come a nice accompaniment of self-loathing. In particular, this blog. God, almighty. Do I really come across as semi-racist? I admire so many things about the Japanese culture but all I seem to do is criticise and carp and make stupid suggestions and snide remarks and hint at how much more sorted out Australia is. I'm attempting to be jaded already? Fuck, I don't know why I'm here. Because I didn't want a Career? It's a much harder thing to get than to avoid. And what am I doing blogging about Kiyono? Stupid. Pathetic, even. It just makes her part of the Japan Experience. I'm no better than any other fuckhead gaijin. And, many of my past posts were - in retrospect - completely, and utterly uninteresting lists of Things I Spent My Hours Doing, the cardinal sin committed ad nauseum by all bad blogs. This is only marginally better than the LiveJournal of a 13 year old. I'm an idiot, and not an especially good writer to boot. And! Being a bad writer makes me a bad thinker, or worse, a banal one who turns his acquaintances and lovers into fodder. There. That should do it. Full disclosure: I suck.

This is the part where I secretly long for you to rush in and bolster my self-confidence, but I don't want bolstering, I'd prefer unvarnished truth, so I've turned off comments for this post.