It’s done! It’s finished! It’s over! The monstrous piece of work that has consumed me for the last three weeks has been Handed In and Ticked Off. A week ago, the research project (like a mini thesis) weighed in at a princely 800 words out of the supposed 8000, creating major panic. Yesterday, it hit 13,000, creating a second major panic. When it struck midnight (not that my little alarm clock has the strength to strike anything), the beast had been slashed to a mere 11,500 words, with a thousand words in references which didn’t count. The battle was nearly over and I was preparing to retire to bed, when the dastardly creature arose once more from the dead. A phrase from an oft-read but little absorbed essay guide leaps out: References Must Be Included in the Word Count. That put me at a solid 3500 bonus words, in stark contrast with the little-absorbed guide’s admonition to obey the word count or die. The future appeared bleak, and an acceptance of my fate appeared the only solution. My supervisor would recognise the sheer blazing brilliance of my words and the impossibility of cutting such genius off mid-swing and mark me higher for not restraining my verbosity. Or something. Perhaps I could get a sticker from a cereal box: 25% extra free!

Then zen hit reality, and I lied through my teeth on the word count: 9857 words, I wrote, and tapping out those four digits was the biggest lie I think I’ve ever written. I even took into account elementary marketing techniques –10,000 is far too big a number, whereas 9857 is fine and acceptable. I handed it in, winced at the conclusion for one last time, and let all my troubles float away.

Anyway, I know that an account of essay mayhem is not particularly exciting reading, but I’ve tried to spice it up a little. Hopefully my life will become more exciting now. If not, I’ll have nothing to blame it on.