Bike rides and decisions

I've just got back from a weekend riding my bike down the Great Ocean Road. My housemate Ryan and I were hoping to ride from Geelong to Warrnambool in three days, but that was an impossible goal. We made it half-way, to the Otways, and that was hard enough. It's the most challenging physical feat I've ever put myself through. A hundred and thirty k's over three days doesn't sound like that much, but I'm not especially fit, and the road ducks and weaves along the coast like a nimble soccer player. The first day we made 70 k's, to Lorne, and although once I nearly threw in the towel after a particularly agonising hill, after that I was in the zone, and miles flew by. But on the second day came the rain, driven by thirty-knot winds. I've never had to pedal downhill before. Ryan and I took turns in taking the lead, while the other took advantage of the wind break. It was painful, agonising, and intense. The last ten kilometers into Apollo Bay were the most difficult; not so much hilly as consistent wind, scattered showers, and legs burning. I wanted to give up and collapse on the roadside, but there was no easy out, no escape button, no way of getting home except via my two legs and my two wheels. The welcome sign outside Apollo Bay reads: 'Apollo Bay: Paradise on Earth' and I agreed heartily. The third day, I woke with a head cold I thought I'd left behind in Melbourne, so I baulked at the proposed plans for the day. Kilometers mean so much more on a bike than in a car. (Un)luckily, ten k's out of Apollo Bay, Ryan stopped to pump his tyre up only to discover that the pump had actually deflated his tyre completely. I was actually pretty glad to head back to Apollo Bay and catch a bus. By the time I got home, I was delirious with exhaustion and the head cold. It felt like an eon had passed; new writing on the whiteboard in the kitchen, dirty dishes, housemates looking different. It was like a purge, a washing of the past, ridding myself of the stresses of the internship and of my broken heart. I feel different, clearer, resolved.

The funny thing is, this post had a different ending, an anticipation. I was going to try to cut off my friendship with her entirely; my jealousy was too much. It was like swallowing bile, to know that another had taken that specialness. I worked on this decision, and was sure that it was the right thing to do. But as soon as I saw her, I crumbled. My jealousy evaporated with the last vestiges of love and now I am clear, which feels fantastic, liberating. Almost, I can treat her like anyone else, approach her with ease, not expect anything more than a smile and a chat. This is a happy ending (although a bit delayed).

It's strange - rid of this, suddenly I am aware of how many beautiful, wonderful girls there are. I'm already cultivating small crushes wherever I can. It's amazing how much I didn't notice about the world, sitting in my little headspace.