I'm all over the place right now. Everything is shifting and changing and swirling around me. Had my heart broken; new job; new house; internship starting tomorrow. Feeling a little lost - the special kind of loneliness I get when I'm around people all the time, good people, solid people, but still these levels of distance. Been thinking about it recently, and I don't think I've ever truly loved, in the sense that love must be fully reciprocated to be whole. I should be scared and excited right now about my internship, excited about being immersed in another culture, scared about being surrounded by super-competent, driven people with no time for fools and students but I'm not, I'm still in the eye of the storm where I feel still, calm, angry. That's the heartbreak thing I guess. I've got to learn not to give out trust like it can be replenished so easily. It's a currency easily devalued and now I find I don't have so much of it left. You think you know someone and then find out you don't, not really, not ever. You find out what was said and understood was just by you, your spin, your take, your willing of something to be.